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Thursday, June 10, 2010

My Sweet Jocelyn

Today I experienced both the worst and best feelings a parent can ever feel. We went to McDonald's for lunch and were in the play place, Jocelyn playing on one side of the room, and Ava on the other. We had been there for a while and it was time to go, so I told Jocelyn to get her shoes on because it was time. I walked around the other side of the room to get Ava. When I turned around Jocelyn was gone. At first I thought maybe she was hiding from me because she didn't want to go home yet. I called her name and got no reply. I looked around the corner into the other room where you order your food. No Jocelyn. I kept calling and realized that by now she would have come out to me if she had been hiding. I asked the only other family in the play place if they had seen her leave, and they hadn't. My mind was scrambling and I kept thinking that any second I would find her and that everything would be alright. But with each passing second I started to wonder more and more if something had happened. Had she left without me? Was she out by the car? I ran outside and couldn't see her. I ran back in and called her name some more. I started praying frantically in my mind that she would show up. Had someone taken her? Did she run to the bathroom? The bathroom door was locked, so I knocked on it and called her name, only to find an annoyed McDonald's employee open the door and give me a dirty look. Worry was overcoming me, and with Ava on my hip I lost all consideration for other people and started yelling her name out and looking under tables. I decided I'd better go check the car again. I couldn't see her, but as I circled around the car, I found her on the other side of it, waiting for me all along.

Holy crap.

The feeling that overcame me then was indescribable. I started crying and pulled her toward me. She looked at me funny and wondered what was wrong with her mom. I told her that she scared me and that I thought she was lost. She told me she thought I was lost! After calming down and driving home, I explained to her that if she loses me, she needs to stay where she is and I will find her.
I have always felt for the parents out there who lose their children, but this gave me a completely new perspective. For a split second I was sure I had lost my sweet Jocelyn, and my life went with her. What a blessing it is to be home now, safe and sound with my two beautiful daughters.

Now I think I'll just go lock the deadbolts and never leave the house again.

7 comments:

Julie said...

Ugh!! What a horrifying experience!!! Glad you found her, and you're now bolted inside the house forever! :)

Derek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Derek said...

Sorry Mig. That is crazy scary. There was one time that I took one of the handicapped kids that I used to take care of to the state fair. He was one of the ones that always caused trouble so I was not as fond of him as I was some of the others. He got away from me and I lost sight of him. I couldn't see him anywhere. I was running around little booths and in between the hundreds of people there. I was absolutely panicked. All this for someone, like I said, I wasn't that fond of. I can only imagine the terror you were feeling. Im glad everything turned out alright.

Jill said...

Oh man. I know how you felt. When Chris was about Jossie's age we lost him at Seaworld for about 15 minutes. We were all in one of the dark, underground rooms with windows into the tanks, watching the fish, and when I looked around he was gone. He wasn't anywhere in the room, not at the door, not anywhere. We ran all over the place, calling and calling for him, and finally found him outside, walking, by himself, back to the shark tank. I was sure someone had snatched my cute little blond-headed boy and I was freaking out.

I'm glad my Jossie is found. Give her an extra hug from me :D

Sara said...

That is scary Mig! I'm sorry about how scary that must have been. But since everything is ok, that's cool you had that experience and that reaction. I love to see that you posted this and how you felt. I love it. I hope this all doesn't seem weird but I've been thinking a lot lately about how some parents (too many parents) seem so jaded about parenthood. Seeing parents so annoyed, apathetic, missing tresured moments with their kids and the tragity it is. Constantly hearing about the extra time, money, hassle, etc. that kids are...and on and on. I've been so saddened by it.
The other week in church, a father's eulogy was read to us. His little girl had died unexpectedly, and it was just the most heatbreaking story, but in it he said things like, "I don't want all the extra time we'll have now, the extra money we'll save (etc)...I just want to hold my little girl's hand in mine." Everyone lost it, we were all crying.
I so wish every parent could remember (exactly like you did today!) how precious their kids are. And in reality, free time, money, hassles, don't hold anything compared to the smallest thing to their kids. Those reality checks, esply. when everything is ok, are so amazing.
Anyway, this became really long but I'm SO glad everything was alright and that you guys doing well! I think you're awesome Mig!

Vanae said...

Confession: I started crying a little bit when I read this blog. That doesn't happen much, so good job. I'm so glad you found her too. I love that beautiful little Jossy. :)

Kadan, Trish, J, and Miles said...

Holy cow.. how scary! I can't even imagine, I'm so sorry Mig! But I love your guts... it's probably been far too long since I've seen you!